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Simon gets ugly with Warren

Warren
Song: This Time I Know It's For Real Download 'This Time I Know It's For Real' at iTunes Check out 'This Time I Know It's For Real' at Amazon.co.uk (Donna Summer Download 'Donna Summer' tracks at iTunes Check out 'Donna Summer' at Amazon.co.uk)
Warren... is he 'for real'?
Warren Kelly high-kicks onto our telly screens promising loads of energy and pizazz.
His performance for the panel has nearly everything; twists, turns, yet another high kick and the splits to finish. One thing that is notably lacking though is any kind of singing voice.
If this were 'panto idol' Warren would be moving straight on to puss and boots camp. After all he's been performing in panto since he was 4 and it shows! When Simon gives him the thumbs down he tells him not to turn into an ugly sister.
His first 'no' comes from Ugly Sister 2, played by Louis Walsh. The role of Prince Charming goes to Sharon Osbourne, who gives cinders, I mean Warren a resounding 'yes' you shall go to the boot camp.
Unfortunately for Warren, Ugly Sis Simon overrides Prince Charming and he is condemned to yet another season of panto this Christmas.
As a last resort Warren begs Simon to recognise "deep in your heart...that you like me really". He clicks his fingers and counts 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. There's no puff of smoke and Simon doesn't change his mind.
Warren hears footsteps approaching, fee-fi-fo-fum they belong to the resident X Factor ogre (that's bouncer Tony), who shadows him as he heads for the door.
Nobody shouts "He's behind you", but Warren knows his X Factor journey is.

Panel-Bites:

Kate Thornton:  (Voiceover) But no-one believes they've got the X Factor more than 20-year-old performing arts student Warren.

Warren speaks in the pod before his audition...

Warren: I'm the person that will bring pop back into the charts, that will make it big and I'll make sure that every kid in the land will be dancing around the living room to my songs... (Shot of Warren high-kicking in the lobby) You have got to have loads of energy and loads of pizazz. I believe that I can... I can win the X Factor and I will win it.

Sharon Osbourne:  How are you?

Warren: Fine, fine.

Sharon Osbourne:  Warren.

Warren: (Smiling) Yeah.

Sharon Osbourne:  Alright Warren.

Simon Cowell:  Okay, off you go.

Warren sings...

¯ Like a tightrope way up high ¯ Write your name across the sky ¯ I'm goin' crazy just to let you know ¯ You'd be amazed how much I love you so ¯ Oh baby ¯ When you get your hands on me I won't let go ¯ This time ¯ I know it's for real  ¯

Warren ends his performance by doing the splits. This is followed by a long silence...

Warren: I don't actually have another song prepared but...

Simon Cowell:  Good, well, we won't encourage you.

Sharon Osbourne:  Louis?

Louis Walsh:  I don't know what to say. It was awful.

Warren: It was awful?

Louis Walsh:  (Shaking his head) It was awful.

Warren: I'm either liked or I'm not liked, so I can't change...

Simon Cowell:  Well you weren't.

Warren: Don't turn into an ugly sister.

Simon Cowell:  It was just hideous.

Warren: I'm a singer and I am a dancer and I have got something in me and I will show you that I can make this show a success.

Simon Cowell:  Warren, I don't want to know what's in you and I don't want to hear you sing again.

Sharon Osbourne:  Let's sum it up.

Louis Walsh:  I'm going to have to say no.

Simon Cowell:  Sharon?

Sharon Osbourne:  I'm a yes!

Warren: Thank you, Sharon.

Sharon Osbourne:  Warren Kelly, I love you!

Warren: Thank you so much. I just need to get through because it's all I've wanted to do all me life. All me life Simon, please, please!

Louis Walsh:  Go on!

Simon Cowell:  No.

Warren: I know deep in your heart that you... that you like me really. I think this is all a front. I think that desperately you like me.

Simon Cowell:  You're absolutely right... 'No'!

Warren: I might not be the best singer in the world, but I have got something. I've got the raw talent, so I just need you to make me a success. Please Simon? I'm beggin' yer.

Simon Cowell:  You're never gonna convince ...

Warren: No!

Simon Cowell:  No, Warren you're never gonna... Out you go!

Warren: I am gonna convince you. Please, please put me through.

Simon Cowell:  Warren, out!

Warren: Please put me through. Please!

Simon Cowell:  No, I'm bored of you now.

Warren: Put me through.

Simon Cowell:  Warren, get out!

Warren: Please!

Simon Cowell:  Tony's coming.

Warren: Please, just say yes.

Simon Cowell:  Tony's coming.

Warren: (Clicks his fingers) 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

Simon Cowell:  No!

Tony arrives and shadows Warren as he leaves the room.

Simon Cowell:  Has he gone?

Louis Walsh:  God he's persistent.

Warren vents his feelings about Simon in the pod...

Warren: He knows as much about pop music as I know about football and that's not very much.
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