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When Simon met Edna... oh, and Lorraine too!

Lorraine (and Edna)
Song: Begin The Beguine Download 'Begin The Beguine' at iTunes Check out 'Begin The Beguine' at Amazon.co.uk (Frank Sinatra Download 'Frank Sinatra' tracks at iTunes Check out 'Frank Sinatra' at Amazon.co.uk)
Lorraine finds the panel harder to impress than the mother in law!
Lorraine has brought her 86-year-old mother in law Edna along to her X Factor audition for a bit of support.
As they enter the room a cute, smiling Edna goes straight over to the judges' table and uses her soft skills to ingratiate herself and Lorraine to Louis, Sharon and Simon.
Polite but firm, Simon instructs Edna to move to one side before asking Lorraine to Begin The Beguine.
Edna grins with pride as the singing commences. Simon grins too.
86-year-old Edna is happy and hopeful as Lorraine, her daughter in law, begins the Beguine.
Edna obviously suspects his motives though, because her smile suddenly collapses, as does her once happy expression. Simon must have noticed, because he snorts and laughs his way through the rest of the song!
Edna's smile soon disappears when she notices Simon grinning during Lorraine's performance.
Lorraine's choir trained voice is quite nice, but as Simon points out, her performance of the song was a bit lifeless. In her defence, maybe watching him laugh all the way through it put her off somewhat!
"Would you buy her records?" Simon asks Edna.
"Yes" Edna replies with total conviction.
Lorraine manages to smile, even when Simon harshly labels her as "terrible". Poor Edna though is unable to pick her jaw off the floor.
Outside the audition room she lets out her feelings "He laughed and he shouldn't have laughed!" Although she doesn't seem to have considered he may have been laughing at herself rather than Lorraine!
The producers, in the interests of fairness... and good television... send Edna back into the audition room on a mission... to teach Simon the error of his ways!
Rarely, if ever, have we seen Simon looking so helpless and intimidated. Edna does a brilliant job speaking up for the little people whose dreams have been crushed by his flippant put downs.
The 86-year-old bellows "Simon, you want to alter your ways. Listen Simon!"
Simon cowers but who can blame him? Edna's words are of the type that might echo relentlessly into a fella's ears in the middle of a cold-sweaty, sleepless night!
In the end Simon takes the only sensible option he has left... He says "sorry"! A hallelujah chorus sounds and Simon may just have saved himself from the wrath of Edna.
The mood of the programme becomes strangely euphoric. Little 86-year-old Edna has triumphed over megabucks music mogul Simon. Hooray!
As for Lorraine? Sadly she still won't be making a trip to bootcamp, with or without Edna!

Panel-Bites:

Lorraine enters the audition room, accompanied by mother in law, Edna...

Louis Walsh:  Hi, guys.

Sharon Osbourne:  Hi!

Louis Walsh:  Are you a duo?

Edna: They've let me come in. (To Simon) Hello love. (To Sharon) Hello love. (To Louis) They let me come in with me daughter-in-law.

Louis Walsh:  Oh, this is your daughter in law?

Sharon Osbourne:  Oh, you don't sing together?

Edna: No.

Louis Walsh:  And who's... who's Lorraine?

Edna: (Gestures towards her daughter in law) This is Lorraine.

Louis Walsh:  Oh that's Lorraine. And why are... why are you with her?

Edna: I'm just her mother-in-law.

Louis Walsh:  Oh!

Sharon Osbourne:  Okay. For support.

Louis Walsh:  Yeah.

Sharon Osbourne:  Yeah okay.

Edna: (Smiling) Thanks very much.

Louis Walsh:  Is she any good?

Edna: Well, I think so.

Louis Walsh:  Really?

Simon Cowell:  Okay, just stand over there... (Edna moves) thank you.

Louis Walsh:  So, Lorraine, have you got the X factor?

Lorraine: I have.

Louis Walsh:  What are you going to sing?

Lorraine: I'm going to sing Begin The Beguine.

Louis Walsh:  Off you go.

Lorraine: Thank you.

¯ I'm with you once more (Edna grins approvingly) ¯ Under the stars ¯ (Simon Smiles) And down by the shore (Edna's face drops) ¯ An orchestra's playing (Simon snorts, Edna looks at him in disgust, he hides his face) ¯ But even the palms ¯ Seem to be swaying ¯ When they begin the beguine... ¯

Louis Walsh:  Thank you very much Lorraine.

Lorraine: (Smiles)

Sharon Osbourne:  It's a lovely song.

Louis Walsh:  (Laughs and looks to Simon)

Simon Cowell:  What?

Louis Walsh:  What did you think of Lorraine?

Simon Cowell:  It was a bit lifeless. (He looks over to Edna who still looks disgusted) What did you think?

Edna: I liked it all.

Simon Cowell:  Would you buy her records?

Edna: Yes.

Simon Cowell:  A bit biased. (To Lorraine) Uhm okay, look I've concentrated on the singing, Lorraine. I mean, there are other issues. I mean, you know, lack of personality, performance, all those things. It just... it was... It was terrible.

Louis Walsh:  Okay, we're gonna sum this up. I'm saying no.

Sharon Osbourne:  I'm gonna have to say no, Lorraine.

Louis Walsh:  Simon, yes or no?

Simon Cowell:  I'm absolutely, I'm afraid, going to have to say no, Lorraine. (Edna looks shocked and unhappy)

An unhappy Edna speaks to Kate outside the audition room...

Edna:  It was because he laughed. He laughed and he shouldn't have laughed.

Edna goes back into the audition room and tells Simon the error of his ways...

Edna: Simon.

Simon Cowell:  (Retreating back in his chair) What have I done?

Edna: (Angrily) What 'have' you done? Go on.

Simon Cowell:  (Shakes his head)

Louis Walsh:  Good point.

Simon Cowell:  What did I do?

Edna: You laughed.

Simon Cowell:  I always laugh.

Edna: No, you don't.

Simon Cowell:  I always do.

Edna: No, no, you do not.

Simon Cowell:  And... I apologise.

Edna: No, no, Simon, you want to alter your ways. Listen, Simon!

Simon Cowell:  (Pouts his bottom lip) But this is really embarrassing.

Edna: (Calmer) Listen.

Simon Cowell:  Okay.

Edna: You think you're better than anybody. I think you was very ignorant.

Louis Walsh:  She has a point.

Simon Cowell:  What did I do?

Edna: Yes, you was ignorant, Simon.

Simon Cowell:  (Smiles endearingly) Sorry.

Background music track plays ¯ Hallelujah ¯

Later Sharon and Louis seem supportive of Edna's stance with Simon...

Sharon Osbourne:  What's it like to be caught?

Louis Walsh:  86, Putting you in your place.

Sharon Osbourne:  Guilty.

Simon Cowell:  I feel that big.

Sharon Osbourne:  Guilty.

Louis Walsh:  You were put in your place by a granny today.

Edna has the last word in the video-pod...

Edna: Why these girls scream over him... He's not even good-looking. He hasn't even got his own teeth.
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